SAHM in All of It’s Glory!

I want to start with being a Stay At Home Mom (& I’m capitalizing because it truly is a job title) extremely rewarding. Seeing all of the boys’ firsts is something that I wouldn’t trade for anything – & I truly mean that. Every day they do something new & I am there to witness it. I am so so so very grateful to be able to do this & I don’t want anyone to think that I’m not.

BUT – let’s be real for a second. I worked in Corporate America before having the trips & LOVED it. I was a manager & truly loved having control over situations – it’s in my blood. Even at home, I always had lists & schedules – everything went into a calendar & we followed the calendar (or I had near meltdowns!). So when it came time to make the decision if I was going to end my professional career – turn in the high heels for yoga pants & makeup for pony tails – I thought “I got this – I’m made to do this!” Um, no… I quickly learned that you can have all of the expectations & schedules you want – you don’t make your world, your children do.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think every parent should have a schedule – babies thrive on schedules. But don’t think that they will just follow it to your liking & there won’t be any setbacks. And when the setbacks happen – WATCH OUT. Life gets out of control! During the trips’ 8-10 month sleep regression (who knew children can have so many sleep regressions btw!) I almost gave up, took off in my car, & never turned back. What kept me going you may ask… Who was going to take care of these little ones? I knew their “schedule” & how they liked to be tucked in at night & how they needed to be held when they bumped their head & their favorite books.. the list goes on & on. Also, I’d probably end up missing them by the time my wheels left the driveway. So instead of leaving, I cried when they woke up after sleeping for 40 minutes, cried when they were so tired they didn’t know whether to smile or cry, & cried after they went to bed because I felt like such a failure. In my mind, I had ONE job – & I was failing miserably. If I was my boss I’d be putting myself on a Performance Improvement Plan or Corrective Action. By nature I’m a control freak – I like to know what is going on, when it is happening, & what my part in the situation is. With these little babies, I don’t know the answers to any of these questions & it just drives me insane!

What does a girl like me do in these types of situations? First, I freak out – WTF?! Then, I make a plan – do some research, ask some of my support group (shout out to the Triplets 2017 Facebook group!) & create a revised plan/schedule. When my new revised schedule goes to complete crap, I cry & take it out on others (usually my hubby, poor guy). I really want to say “this is a phase & it will pass” but I also know that a new phase will start & we’ll start all over again. I understand that this is something that will continue on & on until they are grown – each phase has it’s challenges & the feeling of having no control will happen all over again. I also understand that I should just learn to deal with it… it’s hard! All I can hope for is that each new phase will bring some positives too & those around me will understand that I can get a little crazy, but we’ll all get through it.

Have a glass of wine & hope for a better day tomorrow. Cheers!